We celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary a month ago, and I have an ugly secret to share. It was a lovely anniversary, and I adore thinking about our special day, but you would not believe how many of the memories are grudge-ridden. Here are a couple of prime examples (don't judge me; I'm usually not this petty):
- Some friends of mine got married five years ago. For their wedding, I skipped my grad school graduation and rode the Greyhound for 17 hours each way. Not only did they not come to my wedding; they didn't even send a card.
- We got married in a barn, and someone, who shall remain nameless, asked me what she should wear. I suggested she wear a dress that she had worn to a wedding two years prior. "Oh, no," she said, "I couldn't. That's a nice dress. It's a really, really nice dress."
Those seventeen-hours-on-a-bus-while-my-Masters-degree-graduation-goes-on-without-me people weren't the only ones not to send a card. I could probably rattle off a list right now, off the top of my head, of people who didn't take four minutes to write a card and stick it in the mail. I know folks are busy, but come on. A scribbled message on the back of an old grocery receipt would have even done the job.
But I'm not looking for sympathy. Our wedding was TWO YEARS ago. My yoga teacher is exactly right... grudges are painful, and I don't want them in my body. It's not nice that someone didn't send a card, and yes, a lot of hurtful (or potentially hurtful- I don't have to bruise so darn easily) things were said, done, or not done. But a lot of really wonderful, generous surprises were poured out on us, too. Really lots and lots. Distances were traveled; special gifts just for us were thought up, put together, wrapped up, and delivered; we were blessed with so much laughter and love.
So... uh... how do I get rid of the grudges? Better go to yoga again, pronto, and do some more breathing.
p.s. Andrea D., if you are reading this, I'm really sorry that all I sent you for your wedding was a Baby-Sitters Club book! In my defense, I didn't know at the time how important wedding presents are, and I had about 75 cents to my name, but I could have at least come up with an old grocery receipt... I hope I havent caused you a grudge all these years!